The Most Difficult Call...

I just made what is possibly the most difficult call of my adult life: the call to schedule an appointment for Java to be euthanized. I'm sitting here with Java at my feet, crying while I type.

Java in the past year has has a number of medical issues: A huge mass in his abdomen, the baby-wipe swallowing incident(s), some type of gastrointestinal issues which caused a large case of the "vapors" emanating from either end and now, diabetes. The diabetes came on suddenly just before the end of the year. One day Java started looking thin, then we noticed he wasn't eating as much, then he wasn't eating at all. He was drinking excessively, and urinating excessively too. He was up at all hours of the night wanting to go outside, probably to drink and pee. We tried feeding him different food, more food, more different food, but he wouldn't eat enough to sustain himself.

One trip to the vet told us he had severe diabetes and was acid ketodotic. His glucose numbers were off the chart. Java has been on insulin since the 2nd, with his doses steadily increasing. We've tried twice now to get a glucose curve to check his response to the increasing insulin doses. These have been to no avail, his numbers are still off the chart. Java is now below 60 pounds, a shell of his former self, all skin and bones. He's now nicknamed "Kate Moss" for his lithe figure. Its easier to laugh about the situation than it is to cry over what we know is coming.

Java can no longer run around, walk up and down more than a handful of stairs and often has trouble getting up off the floor by himself. He spends most of each day in his bed, which has been moved downstairs since he can no longer go up to the bedroom. When he does get up to go outside, its a slow process as he carefully makes his way down the front steps and, sometimes, back up them. The past few nights I have carried him upstairs so he could sleep with us in the bedroom as he has always done. I have also been awaken by him each night to carry him downstairs and outside so he can "do his stuff."

When I picked him up at the vet yesterday we spoke about Java, this treatment and possible outcomes. He's never going to be the same dog again. We can continue to treat him and try to get his diabetes under control, but what else is wrong? What caused this sudden onset of diabetes? At 12 and 1/2 years old, he's a very senior dog. The average lifespan for a lab mix is 10 years.

Last night I knew what the next step should be. Steph and I discussed it ad nauseum, but it wasn't until this evening that we finally were able to make the decision.

The past twelve years have been great. Java has been my companion, my friend, my chick magnet (when he was a puppy!) and a part of my family. He's given me unconditional love, something we all need to learn a little more about. He's been with me as I was a struggling graduate student, trying to find my way in the world. As a grad school dropout, falling into computers and programming. He's been there through many (ex-) girlfriends, a wife, a new dog (Lucy) and the birth of Maya. He was Maya's protector when she was a newborn. I had hoped he'd be around as she grew older, since he is so well behaved with children...

I know I am doing what is best for Java, even though it feels like I am betraying him by failing to take care of him when he is most in need. He was always there for me when I needed him, I feel like I can't do the same right now... This would be so much easier if nature would take its own course, rather than forcing me to make this choice.

We've had a tradition for many years now. On every birthday Java gets an ice cream cone. First it was from McDonald's, later we found that Brewster's Ice Cream does a "dog bowl" which includes a small dog treat. Later this evening I'll be headed to Brewster's to buy Java one last cone. A big vanilla waffle cone, just for him. One last treat for my friend.

May peace be with you Java. You always be with me in my memories.

I'm a Negligent Blogger

Oops... It sure has been a while since posting. Some updates:

I'm now an instructor at the 6 AM Operation Boot Camp in Bitsy Grant Park. I run around a lot and yell (not at people, of course). And instruct. And sweat. Good times, I tell you. And I am still losing weight and inches. Which is an even better time. Today was bring a friend day and we had Super Phat Mikey from Star 94 come for the workout. See the video here. Can you spot me? Look for the Incredible Hulk green shoes doing fire hydrants... I have to say, Mikey did a great job. He should come work out with us more often... but probably at the 6 PM camp since he's at work when I'm working out.

Peachtree Road Race: I ran it and didn't die. 1 hour 6 minutes. Just a bit longer than I would have liked to have run the race in — an hour was the goal — but I am still happy to have completed it. Next year I will avoid getting soaked on the course from the various water spraying contraptions. Wet shoes are heavy. Duh. The post-race drinking was good. The post-race drinking was, however, interrupted with some tastless, racist remarks from someone who shall remain nameless. I won't be hanging out with said person any more. And if he truly hopes to run for office... well I hope his remarks come back to bite him in the ass. (Had I not been inebriated, my comeback would have been much more swift than the half-assed "That was... off-color..." pun that flew out of my mouth.)

Next 10k is the US 10k Classic on Labor Day. Is there a half-marathon in my future? Perhaps...

Java is not dead yet. Thankfully. Dumbass has probably stopped eating baby wipes for a while.

I still don't have a damn iPhone. Because I have a business discount I can't buy it at the Apple Store. AT&T still has none in stock and their customer service still sucks. No surprises.

We bought a new car. The POS Passat is no longer, we replaced it with a 2009 Subaru Outback XT. This is the turbo model, nice and fast. Not that I can really open it up until the 1000 mile break-in period is done with. No more VWs for me, thanks. And Jim Ellis VW can bite my butt, they are the worst dealer in the Atlanta area for any kind of sales or service. I highly recommend Classic Cadillac and Subaru in Roswell.

I met up with the Atlanta People With Blogs Who Get Together To Drink at 6 Feet Under for dinner. And drinks. Good times were had by all. And it helped me reconnect with an old friend. I've known Tami since my IRC days back in the early 90's when I was in grad school. We've all grown up and moved on since then, but it was nice to reconnect. Maybe she'll come out to drink next time?

We're headed off on vacation to Seattle soon... more on that when we get there.

Maya is still cute as hell. No surprises there...

Java, Long Runs and Family Trees

Lots of little updated combined into one here...

Java is fine. He is eating and gaining weight and back to himself. We finally had someone come and deal with mowing the yard after the lawnmower died (again), and found lots of wipes that Java had eaten. He was trying a little intestinal roto-rooter. Yuck. We have stopped putting any wipes in any unsealed garbage can.

I ran 7 miles yesterday from Big Peach Running Company in Buckhead, down to 10th and Peachtree in Midtown. (Map) This was my longest run yet in both mileage and time (1 hour 17 min). My pace was slower than I'd like for the Peachtree at around 11 minutes/mile, I'd love to get this just below 10 min/mile for the Peachtree. Two weeks more running to work on that.

Finally, I have started building a family tree for Maya. This was spawned from Steph buying a baby book to document her life in. There is a spot for a family tree, but Steph wasn't sure how to go about filling it in. So I used Ancestry.com to put one together. I now know more about my family tree than I ever could have imaged. Most of it is on my father's side, but I am working to fill in more on my mom's side too. I'm shocked that I can trace back 6 generations from Maya to her great-great-great-great grandmothers Pauline Edelstein (maiden name? married name?), Sarah Berkman (married name, maiden unknown) and great-great-great-great grandfather Harris Berkman, all born in the early/mid 19th century. Most of the trails backwards lead to Russia, Poland, etc., so I doubt I'll find much prior to their emigration to the US, but it's been fun anyway.

Java Health Update

Two days have passed and Java seems to be eating regularly, looking healthier and generally feeling better. But he is still super skinny, so we're doing the ultrasound tomorrow to see what, if anything, is going on with him...

Java's Health

Java is once again giving us a health scare. After returning from Asia Steph and I both discussed that Java was looking skinny and then he stopped eating for a few days. Before heading to Boston we went to our vet to get a check up. Java has been known to raid the trashcan, but it appears he has been stealing used wet wipes from the trash can (not diaper genie!) in Maya's room. Java lost 7 lbs since February, about 10% of his body weight! We put him on some meds and wet food and he appeared to be getting better and was eating regularly.

Yesterday Java stopped eating again. He is back on medication from the vet and did eat some today, but is now refusing food again late this evening.

He's skinny. Scary, heroin chic skinny. I brushed him tonight and he is bony, I can feel most of his spine on his lower back quite easily. His tail is down, he is seemingly weak and lethargic and not acting like himself at all.

I'm not sure what the next step is. We'll call the vet tomorrow, they may try an ultrasound to see if he has a blockage which they can remove. But for tonight all I can do is go to bed and hope that Java is as stubborn now as he has been the rest of his life. If he is, he'll pass whatever may be inside him, if anything, gain weight and get back to being the happy "old man" that he was just a few weeks ago...

Maya's First Night at Home

Last night was Maya's first spent at home. We were prepared for a difficult evening with little sleep, however, we got more sleep than we expected! Maya was a very good girl last night, allowing us both to get a reasonable amount of sleep. I managed to get 6+ hours between diaper changes and comforting Maya in the middle of the night. Steph actually managed 4 - 5 hours of sleep Steph between feedings.

The dogs met Maya for the first time last night. Java was quite curious about the little squirming, crying thing in our arms. Lucy wanted nothing to do with Maya. And then Maya started crying. Java started barking. They had a little chorus going, but the tune wasn't something you could dance to. Nor would it become a number 1 hit anytime soon. Then the cutest thing happened. We were getting ready for bed. Maya was swaddled in her crib when she began crying. Java immediately jumped up, ran to her room and paced around, worried about Maya! He was so cute! I think he's going to be her little protector.

Tomorrow we're seeing the pediatrician for Maya's first appointment. Since we're not going to feed Maya formula we plan on getting a breast pump from the hospital tomorrow, as well. Steph can pump and put away milk which will allow me to take on some of the feedings with Maya. I hope this will allow Steph to get the rest she needs to recover fully from surgery while making the best use of my paternity leave from work. Of course, I am also anxious to be able to take Maya out for a walk or a trip to the store sometime soon while Steph catches a well deserved nap. Unless I have a food supply that is mobile, i.e. a bottle of milk, that's not going to be a possibility.

Once I go back to work, we're going to have to find a schedule that works for us with respect to feedings and sleep so that we are both able to function... we have a week or so to figure that one out. Since I work at home, we'll also need to figure out how I can find the time and space I need to be fully functional with Mom and a new baby at home. Perhaps it is time to build an office in the basement...?

Maya's First Day Home

Steph and Maya came home today, yay! The dogs are down at Wag-A-Lot in daycare at the moment, but they'll come home soon to meet the newest addition to the family. That should be... interesting.

I can see the scene unfolding in my mind's eye: Java takes one look, a quick sniff and thinks "WTF is this little thing? It smells of baby powder! It sure is loud, too!" Lucy, on the other hand, will get a worried look on her face as she realizes that she is still at the bottom of the hierarchy in our home. Then she'll run away, tail tucked firmly between her legs, never wanting to meet the little squirming thing in the cute yellow onesie.

I'm not dead yet!

Last Saturday Steph and I were at home, entertaining some friends when I stepped outside to take a call. I took the opportunity to check the mail and, damn, did I get the surprise of my life. Java died. I have the condolence card from my vet to prove it!

But, there's one problem: Java is still alive and kicking! Perhaps because it was Easter weekend he had been resurrected (if you can believe in such fallacies)? Probably not.

It appears as if there was some mistake at the vet. While I love the vet herself, her staff is pretty dumb. There is more than one Java that visits our vet clinic and the vet herself often refers to Java as "she" instead of "he" before quickly correcting herself and mentioning, yet again, that she sees multiple Javas of different genders. (This is especially humorous when Java is prone, legs in the air, displaying his junk for all to see. Perhaps she's not aware what a penis is? Maybe the twig without berries is confusing? Who knows!?) Apparently her staff has somehow mixed up the records for Java (with twig, no berries) and Java (no twig or berries), hence the condolence card to Java (with twig, no berries). Needless to say, the vet was quite embarrassed when we called to alert her to her (his?) mistake.

Next time I get a dog I am giving it a unique name so that this kind of situation doesn't happen again. Perhaps we'll use one of the baby names we considered and quickly threw away, such as S'phyllis or Lemonjello... only time will tell.

Java - One Expensive Beast

About two weeks ago I was on the floor petting Java. There he was, lying on his back, all four legs up in the air, when I noticed a large mass in his abdomen, just beneath the rib cage. He's a lumpy old man full of little, harmless tumors called lipomas. This one felt very different. It was larger than any of the others and it appeared to be in his abdomen, not on it. Not good.

Last Friday we saw our vet who took blood, urine and x-rays. The vet confirmed that there is a large mass of unknown origin in his abdomen and referred us to a specialty clinic for a more thorough diagnosis. Of course, all I could think of is that he has a terminal disease or something that would reduce his quality of life, making last weekend quite unhappy in our house.

On Tuesday we went to the vet at Georgia Veterinary Specialists. After more blood work, an ultrasound and aspirating the lump, it turns out to be nothing more than another lipoma. Cheers all around, Java is a healthy old man after all! And now he has a very expensive funny haircut - shaved belly with very uneven edges - to show off to all the ladies...

Java, its time for you to get a job and start paying some of the bills around here! Maybe you can tour with the Black Eyed Peas singing about your lumps. ("My lumps, my lumps, my big ol' fatty lumps... check it out!")

Congratulations Lucy!

Lucy passed her Canine Good Citizen test last night! While my wife had no faith in our daughter (well, OK, neither did I!) because she's been acting like a canine bad citizen lately, she managed to put on a good show last night and actually passed her test. Now both of the dogs have CGC certificates.

Yay Lucy!

Applet Security

Alex has written one of the clearest explanations I have seen to date of the applet security model. I was previously mistaken in some of my thoughts on this issue. Alex set me straight yesterday during a (virtual) work conversation (mmmm, Skype) and blogged about it to make sure everyone else understands it too.

Read it here: A Brief History of Applet Security

Happy Birthday Java!

Ice Cream, Yum!Happy birthday old man!

We celebrated Java's 11th birthday in the traditional manner by getting the dogs ice cream at Bruster's. Java loved it. Lucy, as usual, was a total pussy and was scared of her ice cream cup. *sigh*

Still no official word on Java's foot, but it does not appear to be cancerous. However, we still don't know what it is and how it will affect him moving forward...

Java

A few weeks ago, Steph and I went away to North Carolina for the weekend. As usual, the dogs went to Wag-A-Lot for the weekend where they spent time in doggy daycare and cursed us for leaving them for the weekend. Upon our return, Steph though Java was limping, but I dismissed her concern since I didn't observe it myself.
Java at the Braves game

A few hours later I was standing at the butcher block in our kitchen. I turned quickly and my foot hit Java's right front paw. He flinched, pulled his paw back and made a noise. At this point I knew something was up, so I bent down for a closer look. What I saw worried me: Java's "pinkie toe" was swollen and had a sore on it. The toe itself was really tender and he wouldn't allow me the opportunity to look at it.

The next day I left on a work trip and Steph took Java to the vet. They couldn't find any obvious issues and gave us some antibiotics and instructions to watch his toe to see if anything changed over the next few days. Unfortunately, the swelling didn't go down, so late in the week Java had another vet appointment where they took some x-rays and a biopsy of his toe. That was April 13. When I called the vet that afternoon she indicated that the x-rays didn't show anything abnormal — we had hoped that he had a piece of glass or some other foreign object stuck in his toe. The x-ray also showed that its not cancer of the bone, apparently a common affliction of dogs. The biopsy was sent off to the University of GA for review...

Its now 2.5 weeks later and the biopsy is still not back from the University of Georgia. The swelling in Java's toe hasn't gone down, though the tenderness has improved. Is it an infection of some sort? Cancer? Something else? We have no idea and neither does the vet! I am anxious as can be about the results and what this means for Java. Of course, my thoughts are turning negative and I am thinking about amputation of his foot or leg due to cancer. I have no reason to think this is the case, but I don't have any hope that it's not, either. I'm scared to death and want an answer. Now!

Java is celebrating his 11th birthday this Saturday. Unfortunately, I won't be around to celebrate with him. Thankfully, he can't tell time, so he won't know that he gets his annual ice cream from Bruster's — I'm a cheap mofo and get him their doggie bowl of vanilla ice cream with a dog bone — but I'm sure he'll enjoy it just as much when I get home next week. My only hope is that his birthday gift is good news from the vet.

Whatever happens, we're going to do whatever is necessary to ensure he is happy, healthy and comfortable. I know the day will come some day in the future when we need to make tough decisions about Java's care. It won't be easy when that day comes. Let's hope we don't have to make those decisions anytime soon.